“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.” ~Byron Katie
Other than the fact that I was born on Groundhog’s day, I didn’t know why I kept falling into the same relationship patterns, which brought on inevitable heart-crushing break-ups.
I knew that I had a deep capacity to love, or so I thought, but that somehow wasn’t enough. I always ended up feeling taken for granted or fighting desperately for my partner’s attention after the initial attraction phase wore off.
I couldn’t help becoming someone else, someone I thought I needed to be, in order not to get abandoned. This, of course, backfired because it lowered my self-esteem even more and caused me become even more neurotic and clingier.
It was hard to not get down on myself for who I became in relationships. I didn’t know how to process the end of a relationship or how to separate what was theirs and what was my stuff, so I walked into the next relationship with accumulated anger, resentments, and taller walls around my heart.
It was easier to blame the guy for being emotionally unavailable, withdrawn, selfish, and all the other names I called him. This went on for over a decade.
Still, somehow my divorce was peaceful and I even called my…