Threesomes, according to a 2015 study, are men’s third most popular fantasy—following voyeurism and specific fetishes (e.g., feet). On women’s lists, they rank 13th. (The top three most common female fantasies? Public sex, getting it on with their current partner exclusively, and relishing their submissive side.)
But there’s a wide gap between thinking about threesomes and actually having them, says Paul Joannides, Psy.D., author of The Guide to Getting It On. Despite what you might have gleaned from the Internet, porn, or rumors you heard in college, the percentage of heterosexual men and women who say they’ve had one hovers around eight percent.
Threesomes can be awesome, and attempting one doesn’t necessarily mean you’re courting catastrophe in your relationship. But since not just two but three individuals’ fantasies and feelings are involved—plus the dynamics of the couple—there are plenty of opportunities for things to get weird and possibly go wrong, Joannides says.
The Ground Rules
Let’s be real: “Threesomes have the potential to change a relationship forever,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. Things can get uncomfortable, fast, if you don’t have a solid footing in your relationship, ar…