Caught Between a Friend and an S.O.? Here's What to Do


Q: My friend and I both recently went through a breakup. One month ago, I started seeing someone new, while she’s still not ready to date. She told me I was a bad friend for spending so much time with my new S.O. (although I’ve tried to see her when I’m free), but figuring out this new relationship is important to me. Am I really being a bad friend, or could she just be taking her disappointment out on me?

A: You don’t have a problem; your friend does. She is upset and lonely since she doesn’t have a new person in her life—and you do.

When you were both grieving the loss of your relationships and pissed off together, she had company in her misery. Sadly she doesn’t want to (or can’t) see that this new guy and relationship might be really good for you!

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be empathetic. Be proactive and find time to discuss the following three topics so that she knows she’s still special to you.

1. Tell your friend how important she is to you.

Communicate that you truly want and need her in your life—via phone, email, text, or in-person—and remind her how much you value her friendship. Bring up that ridiculous spring break trip to Miami in college or other fun times you’ve shared together. Recall a time when you shared other good news with her (like that promotion you got last year). You can also remind her about a difficult time when she stood by you and provided support and encouragement (maybe even this rece…

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